Blizzards and Bum Knees

Not having a grea night. I'm not even sure exactly why. I suddenly feel so down. I had a nice afternoon - went to Lunch with Luke. Didn't do much when I came home - watched the USA/Canada hockey game, created some assignments for my students todo this week while I'm out, did some laundry. Watched a bit of Dr. Who. Now I'm watching the closing ceremonies. Maybe that's part of it. The sense of ending - these games were a distraction for the last 17 days - I've had them to watch every night since I've had to be alone in this house. After tonight, they're done - and I go back to the regular routine. Only the regular routine is not the same anymore. When I sit and watch my regular shows, I'll be watching them by myself. It's no, of course, about the TV shows - it's about the little moments in life that I can no longer share with the most important person in my world.

And, as I write this, Brooke has just bounded up from bed and hobbled out of the room barking. I say hobbled, because she did have the knee surgery - in the middle of the blizzard on Friday (21 inches of snow, and I took my dog to the vet for orthopedic surgery). I think this has me a bit down, because I don't know if I'm taking good enough care of her. She's not resting the leg - she jumps up on the window seat and sofa and down again. Now it's a bit red and swollen. I'm afraid she's going to do permanent damage, and  don't know how to stop her. She won't eat (except cookies and bully sticks) and I haven't seen her drink much water, except what I tried to get in with a syringe. She looks at me and whines, but I can't seem to give her what she needs. I feel like Mom would know what to do, and I'm totally lost. And, if I can't take care of  a crazy Yorkie with a bum knee, and gloomy schnauzer with weight issues, how am I ever going to take care of human kids? I always assumed that Mommy would be here when I had kids - that she'd show me how to do it right (the way she did it). But, now I have to figure all of that out on my own. And I haven't got the first clue about raising kids (not that it's a pressing issue right now).

The sense of being overwhelmed is growing too. One more week before I go back to school, and then who knows what I'll do - there won't be time for anything. And, naturally, I haven't gotten a fraction of the things done that I need to - in part because it's just so much, and, honestly, in part because of a passive aggression that just doesn't want to do it. Oh, and I have Arabic homework to do. So, right now, I'll finish the Closing Cermonies (on TiVo), watch another 3 or so episodes of Dr. Who (what am I going to do without it when I'm done?), and continue my passive aggressive avoidance tactics.