First Night Alone

It's been some week. I hope that I have honored my mother's legacy with the wake and funeral. The weather did not cooperate, as we had a big snowstorm Wednesday. Mommy hated the snow. In a way, it worked out, because we had only the immediate family there, and we had an impromptu memorial service of our own. Big difference from Tuesday, which was wall-to-wall people. The line never ended. It meant the world to me to see my coleagues and students, but especially my students. They didn't have to come, but so many of them did. It's going to make it easier to go back to work when the time comes.

The funeral went well Thursday, even with some weather glitches, and Father Connolly not coming. Highlight was Vivi arriving from the Sudan, with her suitcase, in the middle of the mass, just as the nieces were reading the prayer of the faithful. It was a perfect moment. I was so happy she made it, even though she couldn't bring herself to read. I'm so grateful to Annette for staying with me throughout everything, too.

Last night Edna arranged a dinner at Sofrito for about 35 family members. It was a happy night - one mom would have loved. She would not want us mourning her death, she would want us celebrating life. And that's what we did.

Then there's tonight. It's my first night alone in the house since Mommy died. Annette, JR and Albert left today, and I'm on my own. It's not as if I haven't lived alone - it's the reason I'm alone that is weighing on me. Realizing she truly is gone. Knowing I have to find a way to continue on with my life without my best friend. It was a bit too much in the first hour or so, and I had to call Keith. He stayed on the phone with me and talked me through it. He surprises me sometimes with his insight and understanding. Maybe I haven't given my big brother enough credit in the past. I've been pretty good for the last few hours, and Annette called to check on me. Keith said he'd call before bed.

At least I have Cali and Brooke, my dogs, who are currently sleeping on me as I type this and watch the Olympics. I considered not watching, as that was something Mommy and I did together, but I realize that I can't start doing that - I owe Mommy more than that. I owe it to her, and Daddy, to live my lfe, and to try to enjoy those things I enjoyed in the past. My heart may not be totally in it, but I'm trying.

So, a few more hours and I'll have to try to go to sleep. Either that, or it's going to be a Dr. Who marathon with that new DVD I bought afer our London trip. Right now, I'd prefer sleep. Here's hoping . . .