Home Alone 2

So, I had been doing pretty well today, after surviving the night. But, as the evening wore on, things got tougher. Too much time to think. Thinking sucks. And the dogs that are supposed to be comforting me, have pushed my buttons all day. Brooke has barely stopped barking all day, nd won't listen. And Cali is doing her best Madame Mopey routine. I guess I should cut them some slack, but I don't have a high tolerance right now.

As the house grows quiet in the late evening, and there ae fewer distractions, I begin to realize that the only noise is coming from the room I'm in - because there is no one in any other room. And that's not how it should be. It makes me very conflicted as I wonder what I should do with the house. I mean, I plan to sell - tht was always the plan, and Keith and I are in agreement about that. But, when he suggested that we try to put it on the market in afew months, I couldn't handle that - even though I may be gone for several months in the fall due to the Fulbright teacher exchange I'm supposed to go on. The thought of not being able to come home to, well, home, scares me - even though home is empty now. At the same time, the longer we take to sell, the longer it will be before I can afford to buy myself an apartment in the city. And, if we wait until I get home from the Fulbright, that will be a whole year. And the house shouldn't really sit for so long.

I don't know - I know people would say I don't have to decide this right now - but, I feel like I have to decide everything at once. There's so much to do, and I feel like I can't put anything off. And, I don't know how much help I'll really get when it all fades from people's minds. Maybe that's not fair, but I feel like I have to do it all myself, and I don't know where to start.

I know one thing, though. Tomorrow I'm going out. Nothing fancy - just toWalmart to buy dog food and stuff. But, I need to get out into the "real" world for an hour or two. Maybe that distraction will carry me over through the quiet evening hours. We'll see . . .