For the record, the seemingly random title of this post should not be taken as an indication of my state of mind - although my students, bless them, must have thought I was missing a few nuts and bolts today (wierd day, frustrating day - see Yorkie-cide below). These are simply the things that have made up the last week.
I got home Friday from Florida. It was a very nice visit, but I don't think I could have kept up the 4:00 supper times for much longer - 4:00! I haven't even gotten home from school most days by 4:00! I was very grateful to return to my usual 7:30 or later dinner. My visit to the fam in the sunshine state also necessitated some telenovela viewing with my aunts. I really missed American TV - I would have even sat through a Judge Judy, if it wasn't so reminiscent of Casos de Familias. Actually, that show is pretty hard core - the arrested some guy right on camera - he was a pretty sick dude. Anyway, I enjoyed spending the time with my aunts, but I was really happy to watch just about whatever my tivo had recorded for me while I was away.
Then, of course, came the clogged drain that acked everything up in the kitchen. I had to call in a plumber, which became a lesson in humility. Ironically, I had spent the day telling my kids about how good I am at deciphering accents. I told them about my friend in college, and the Scottish football (soccer) team that joined us on the train to Edinburgh. About 4 hours into the trip, she asked me, "What language are they speaking?" I looked at her in disbelief and said, "English, Hannah!" Well, pride does indeed goeth before a fall because I could barely understand 5 words in 10 that this plumber was saying (the select universal swear words when he had to cut open the pipe to retrieve a stuck tool came through loud and clear!). To be fair, I admitted my humiliation to my students the next day - I figure, if I'm going to brag about my skills, the least I can do is admit my failings too!
And Julia Roberts - no, I did not meet the Pretty Woman this week. Instead, I fantasized about having a Pretty Woman moment at the Verizon Wireless store. After having an appalling experience with them last week, I became a T-mobile customer. The short version is this: "My mom and I had a family share plan, and she passed away. I want to cancel her number and keep mine." "Well, what you need to do - oh, and sorry for your loss - is . . ." You can see where this is going. Apparently a death certificate is insufficient proof that I'm not going to somehow commit fraud by keeping my own phone number. With a death certificate, they could only cancel her number and keep mine under her name. "So, you're going to bill a dead woman?" I asked. "No," the rocket scientist of a clerk said. "You'll pay the bill." "So, why can't I have my name on the account?" I asked, reasonably, I thought. "It's to prevent fraud," she said, talking out of her ass. WTF? That doesn't even make sense!! They asked for executor's papers (which I didn't bring, since the rest of the world is OK with a death certificate, except for the highly classified world of cell phones, apparently). I said, neer mind, and walked 2 doors down toT-mobile.
Now for the Julia Roberts moment. I needed to go back to Verizon to cancel the service completely, and I really, really, really, wanted to reenact the scene where she walks in to the boutique and tells the woman, "Remember me. You wouldn't serve me . . . Big mistake! Huge!" And she raises the shopping bags. Well, in my vision, I would have walked up to the customer service counter, repeated similar lines, and waved my Blackberry over my head. Of course, I didn't do it. She was there, but I had another woman who served me (yes, I know, I could have kept the moment alive by saying, "No, I want her"). In the end it came down to this - I'm a total coward, and really did not want to cause a scene in the middle of a crowded store! I'm such a wuss. BTW, the other lady asked for not one bit of paperwork.
So, where am I on that strange list n the title? Ah, yes, Yorkie-cide. Well, my, shall we say eccentric, Yorkie, Brooke, kept me up all night, pacing the hardwood floor (which, by the way, she is doing right this minute, thus Yorkie-cide is still a possiblity). I wanted to chuck her out a window in the middle of the night , but settled instead for flinging her into her bed at one point (it's soft, she's fine). It made no difference - she just kept pacing, all night. I think she was punishing me for the new anti-bark collar I just bought her - hang on, she's barking at me right now - that thing's a piece of crap! Oh, this day just gets better and better! I believe sedation may be necessary tonight - not sure if it's for her or me. Anyway, that's what started my day off - hah, she just got sprayed! Serves her right! Ooh, she's mad. She's so going to back at me tonight.
Wow, if this is how easily entertained I am, I'm clearly overtired. So, I'd better address the last part of the list - 8,306 pennies (less a few English pence that got mixed in somehow). This is the number of coins (plus honorable mention to 209 dimes) that I spent 1/2 hour depositing into a Coinstar machine this afternoon, after the bitch of a school day I had. They were all in a bunch of jars that Mom had in closets and cabinets in the house. I admit to being a tad disappointed not to have cracked 10,000 after all that effort, but I comfort myself that the crazy woman with the cart full of pennies must have been the subject of some dinner table conversation around Yonkrs this evening. I aim to please. And, I am really, really, really tired. And Brooke is limping on her bum knee, trying to elicit some sympathy, so I should probably go see if she's OK, and then slip her a mickey. Until next time!
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Great read. Thanks for sharing.
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