Some days you're the windshield . . .

And some days you're the bug. Today was defiitely a bug day. It's not even that it was a particularly bad day, but it wasn't particularly good. One of those "I should never have gotten out of bed" days. I started the day with a headache, combined with a backache (too much heavy lifting lately, and not enough painkillers!). Add that to an inability to move faster than a glacial pace, and the need to attempt (unsuccessfully) to tame a completely unruly mop of hair, and you end up with me gliding into class at the last possible minute. Only to find out, of course, that I left my attendance and gradebook home. Cue utterly incomprehensible registration assembly for next year, and an inability to access the Virgin Atlantic website because our school censors categorize it as porn! Do you see where I'm going? All Iwanted to do all day was come home, relax, and watch Hamlet on PBS, which I've been waiting for forever. But, right in the middle of that, my lawyer is going to be here to complete some paperwork for the apartment. I'm going to call that "intermission," and try to convince myself that I'm at the theatre. Totally don't think it'll work. Totally want to take a mental health day but, after 3 weeks of bereavement leave, that's not happening. Bleh, I really hope tomorrow is a windshield day!

Early bird specials, telenovelas, Irish plumbers, Julia Roberts and Yorkie-cide (oh, and 8306 pennies)

For the record, the seemingly random title of this post should not be taken as an indication of my state of mind - although my students, bless them, must have thought I was missing a few nuts and bolts today (wierd day, frustrating day - see Yorkie-cide below). These are simply the things that have made up the last week.

I got home Friday from Florida. It was a very nice visit, but I don't think I could have kept up the 4:00 supper times for much longer - 4:00! I haven't even gotten home from school most days by 4:00! I was very grateful to return to my usual 7:30 or later dinner. My visit to the fam in the sunshine state also necessitated some telenovela viewing with my aunts. I really missed American TV - I would have even sat through a Judge Judy, if it wasn't so reminiscent of Casos de Familias. Actually, that show is pretty hard core - the arrested some guy right on camera - he was a pretty sick dude. Anyway, I enjoyed spending the time with my aunts, but I was really happy to watch just about whatever my tivo had recorded for me while I was away.

Then, of course, came the clogged drain that acked everything up in the kitchen. I had to call in a plumber, which became a lesson in humility. Ironically, I had spent the day telling my kids about how good I am at deciphering accents. I told them about my friend in college, and the Scottish football (soccer) team that joined us on the train to Edinburgh. About 4 hours into the trip, she asked me, "What language are they speaking?" I looked at her in disbelief and said, "English, Hannah!" Well, pride does indeed goeth before a fall because I could barely understand 5 words in 10 that this plumber was saying (the select universal swear words when he had to cut open the pipe to retrieve a stuck tool came through loud and clear!). To be fair, I admitted my humiliation to my students the next day - I figure, if I'm going to brag about my skills, the least I can do is admit my failings too!

And Julia Roberts - no, I did not meet the Pretty Woman this week. Instead, I fantasized about having a Pretty Woman moment at the Verizon Wireless store. After having an appalling experience with them last week, I became a T-mobile customer. The short version is this: "My mom and I had a family share plan, and she passed away. I want to cancel her number and keep mine." "Well, what you need to do - oh, and sorry for your loss - is  . . ." You can see where this is going. Apparently a death certificate is insufficient proof that I'm not going to somehow commit fraud by keeping my own phone number. With a death certificate, they could only cancel her number and keep mine under her name. "So, you're going to bill a dead woman?" I asked. "No," the rocket scientist of a clerk said. "You'll pay the bill." "So, why can't I have my name on the account?" I asked, reasonably, I thought. "It's to prevent fraud," she said, talking out of her ass. WTF? That doesn't even make sense!! They asked for executor's papers (which I didn't bring, since the rest of the world is OK with a death certificate, except for the highly classified world of cell phones, apparently). I said, neer mind, and walked 2 doors down toT-mobile.

Now for the Julia Roberts moment. I needed to go back to Verizon to cancel the service completely, and I really, really, really, wanted to reenact the scene where she walks in to the boutique and tells the woman, "Remember me. You wouldn't serve me . . . Big mistake! Huge!" And she raises the shopping bags. Well, in my vision, I would have walked up to the customer service counter, repeated similar lines, and waved my Blackberry over my head. Of course, I didn't do it. She was there, but I had another woman who served me (yes, I know, I could have kept the moment alive by saying, "No, I want her"). In the end it came down to this - I'm a total coward, and really did not want to cause a scene in the middle of a crowded store! I'm such a wuss. BTW, the other lady asked for not one bit of paperwork.

So, where am I on that strange list n the title? Ah, yes, Yorkie-cide. Well, my, shall we say eccentric, Yorkie, Brooke, kept me up all night, pacing the hardwood floor (which, by the way, she is doing right this minute, thus Yorkie-cide is still a possiblity). I wanted to chuck her out a window in the middle of the night , but settled instead for flinging her into her bed at one point (it's soft, she's fine). It made no difference - she just kept pacing, all night. I think she was punishing me for the new anti-bark collar I just bought her - hang on, she's barking at me right now - that thing's a piece of crap! Oh, this day just gets better and better! I believe sedation may be necessary tonight - not sure if it's for her or me. Anyway, that's what started my day off - hah, she just got sprayed! Serves her right! Ooh, she's mad. She's so going to back at me tonight.

Wow, if this is how easily entertained I am, I'm clearly overtired. So, I'd better address the last part of the list - 8,306 pennies (less a few English pence that got mixed in somehow). This is the number of coins (plus honorable mention to 209 dimes) that I spent 1/2 hour depositing into a Coinstar machine this afternoon, after the bitch of a school day I had. They were all in a bunch of jars that Mom had in closets and cabinets in the house. I admit to being a tad disappointed not to have cracked 10,000 after all that effort, but I comfort myself that the crazy woman with the cart full of pennies must have been the subject of some dinner table conversation around Yonkrs this evening. I aim to please. And, I am really, really, really tired. And Brooke is limping on her bum knee, trying to elicit some sympathy, so I should probably go see if she's OK, and then slip her a mickey. Until next time!

Two Months

I have to keep this post short, because I'm on a borrowed computer, but I needed to acknowledge that today marks two months since Mommy died. In a wierd way, it seems like longer. I guess because it has been such a long two months, and because so much has happened in that time. It's kind of appropriate that I'm in Tampa right now, with Mommy's family, all of whom I know miss her too. So, being with family is good. It's all a little surreal. But, I wanted to say, on this two-month occasion, Mommy, I love you, and I miss you more than words can say.